Well...I feel very stupid.
There was always something wrong with me
Now I realize it
I wish I wasn't like that
Like I had delusions of grandeur or something
Like I was so self centered
Like i was SO immature
:(
:(
I wish I could rewind and be the good person I know I was inside
I guess any "talent" I ever possessed needed to be squashed out before I could grow the fuck up
Ah shame
How accustomed I am to that feeling now
See, the problem was, My good qualities were MAGNIFICENT
and my bad ones were TERRIBLE.
So...I couldn't just have regular self esteem like everyone else.
I had to love and hate myself
it was a wild roller coaster.
Hate, love, despise, adore.
Arrogance, shame, cavalierness, meekness
Since I was literally every characteristic imaginable
the way I felt about myself ranged from deeply inadequate to egotistically superior.
Which one was worse?
The arrogance
All the "talent" had to be knocked out of me in order for that to go away
and it did. and I am humbled
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