I feel I have floated to this moment somehow. I feel I have no history, no future. Just stuck in a bubble. I don't have a history because I have become brand new. My history isn't mine because I'm a new breed. Was the old life with the old friend really me? Was it really me? Was it? Because I can't imagine the old me anymore. And now that I consider my crippled self to be capable of standing upright, I wonder....why I am I accepting this? Too scared to die. Because compared to before, I am blind, I am deaf. I am ill-equipped for having a purposeful or meaningful life. There is no meaning. My soul's been robbed. Yet, I float on.....because that's the only way I can move. Is to float.
(A year ago is unrecognizable to me)
There isn't even ONE good reason to stay alive. Whatever. It doesn't matter...nothing does. I am nullified forever.......
And even in my despair, I smile...
Why? Because I can't feel the whole amount of my despair, because if I did, I'd die.
I can't feel it...so I know I'm ok. But I still know it's wrong to smile.
Because I'm dead.
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