I just had a thought that reminded me of the original me. I keep forgetting the original me. When I remembered, I watched old videos of myself and remembered more. Then I was sad. It's not just the fact that all my abilities are gone. It's way more than that. There's also this homesick and homeless feeling. That feeling is the worst. And there are other feelings that feel horrible that I just can't even describe. It's like everything I once knew, and everything I once knew to be true isn't anymore. Like I've become a newborn child. Like half of me just left. I can't access half of myself. And it's scary, uncomfortable, and heartbreaking.
It's going to take years to learn how to function like this. I'm not going to get over it until the day I die.
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