Well, it can't get any worse than this. I've been plateaued at the "worst state I could ever be in" for quite come time. So, I can take it. I'm immunized to loneliness. It doesn't do anything to me. I could almost live on a planet by myself for the rest of my life. I dunno why I'm so withdrawn. I just like being a loner hermit. Also because I can't imagine that there would be any group of people that I could relate to. That's why I'm a free agent with no entourage. I only need one good friend. That I have. We don't talk much anymore, and I miss that, but we both have an unspoken agreement of loyalty. So I'm OK.
My real problem though is the fact that nothing is memorable to me. Nothing is significant or meaningful enough to be memorable. And that's because I'm in a trance. I'm asleep all the time. I want to wake up and feel. REALLY feel like I used to. In order for any event/ situation that you participate in to be memorable, you need meaning. In order for any event/situation that you participate in to be meaningful, you need your mind to be wide awake. The formula for an awake mind? Wish I knew.
I've become so serious. I used to be able to turn on the jester from time to time. Now I'm just boring and have no sense of humor. I used to be a scream. I am now a whisper.
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